Be the Bigger person

This week I will be writing about being the bigger person in life. Everyone gets angry and wants to fire back at someone. Everyone gets hurt, or has someone that talks about them. Everyone will lose someone they thought was a friend.

What do we do when it happens to us? We let it go and be the bigger person. By reacting to someone that is trying to hurt you or talk about you, all we do is become that person. And believe me, that is the last thing you want. Think about how that person has no confidence in them-self. Think about how that person wishes to see you suffer. Think about that person who is trying to make self look better by talking about you. These people are bullies. Today they are known as “Haters.”

What is a “Hater?” A hater is someone who is jealous of you. A “Hater” is someone who can’t stand to hear about your success. They spend countless hours trying to devise plans for your demise. These people are the opposite as leaders. Stay away from them, it is only a matter of time until they will ruin theselves. There is no need to waste your time with someone like this.

Going back to martial arts in life, use your greatest self control to keep yourself in check. If you react to their negativity you are not being “the bigger person.” Haters often try their hardest to get a reaction out of you. Keep your cool, and don’t give them the satisfaction. As you have heard, “Silence is golden.” Haters have a hard time being rejected, it makes them look in the mirror and see themselves clearly. They will come to realize that no one really enjoys being around them. The only people that surround them are in fear of them.

Today, i would like you to practice what I’m talking about. If there is a co worker, a colleague, a family member who you know in your heart is “hating on you” be the bigger person and just let them keep talking. When others hear them, you won’t have to say anything. Because they said enough. Let them do the talking for you!

On a personal note, this is something I have had to do every day since deciding to do what was best for my family and my students and my team members. I will always live my life by principles. The principles of trust, character, and leadership. Whoever you follow make sure you have trust, and that you truly believe in their character and leadership. If not, make your move and never, never look back. 

Use this chart to understand why people do what they do?

1. When some talks about you-It really is just them saying how unhappy they are about themselves.

2. When someone makes fun of you-Shows their insecurity about themselves.

3. When someone put you down-Its to make them feel better

4. When someone is spending their energy to hurt you-Take it a compliment, because they are really just jealous and want to be you. They just won’t say it.

So, kids aren’t the only ones who are picked on. Adults are too,and we have two choices.

1. Don’t Fire back, and stoop to their level

2. Use self control and concentrate your energy on moving forward

Let me know your thoughts, and how you have handled “Haters.”

Funny story-My wife bought me a shirt ” I love haters” and on the back it says motivation. Use every negative in your life for motivation. Its a great way to keep focused on growing and learning more about life!

All the best,

Sensei Nick

70 Responses to Be the Bigger person

  1. jamie says:

    hi, i love what you wrote bout haters. it’s so true and i’m going to pass it on. very well put! i actually stumbled upon this by looking for the t shirt that says I LOVE HATERS and on the back MOTIVATION that your wife got! where did she get it?? thank you :)

    • niftyat50 says:

      Hi, I recently separated from my husband of 26 years. It was good for our relationship. We got married at 21 years old and being together 24/7 for 26 years takes a toll!

      The problem, the lady he ended up seeing will not leave me alone! I have blocked her on facebook and late nite cell phone calls, but she keeps finding a way to make contact and is trying to start a fight.

      I read your article and it really applies here! Funny how the behavior is the same in Middle School or Middle AGE! Ha Ha

      I am taking your advise. My husband no longer has any contact with her so she wont leave ME alone! Wierdo. I am so tempted to jump in and retaliate, but after reading your advice, it is clear I should not stoop to her level.

      Here is an example of what she writes:

      The sex has been great. I know you two didn’t enjoy it. Doesn’t it make you wonder how he can tell you he loves you and tell me too? He loves you but he’s not in love with you. He’s in love with me. Whatever! I heard him yell into the phone when he was talking to you, “Your my wife, I love you!”

  2. Sam says:

    came across this today, and I have to thank you for putting my mind straight. I’ve been struggling with how to handle someone that is constantly putting me down on thier website (an old ex’s new wife). Trying to be the bigger person is not always easy and never gives you immediate gratification like firing back a resonse would. But seeing everything you wrote in black and white, confirming my own internal struggle to be the bigger person, has given me the motivation to keep my tongue and be content in my own self-worth. So thank you for that :)

    • Amy says:

      I have to say I am going through the same thing now. My ex of six years leaves me for a woman. Not to mention his kids as well. Two years later he comes back wanting to see the kids. Of course, behind her back. She makes him choose between their other kid and her or his kids which he has with me. She should have been a better person by not letting him decide between his kids. She knew he had kids when she met him. Now two more years later. He stands up for himself saying that she will never let him choose anymore. She has made remarks of wishing my kids were dead. So sad. What has these kids done to you? Nothing! Why should she be mad at me? I should be the one mad. You knew this man had kids when you met him. Also, she is trying so hard to get me to fight her. I know I can take her. lol. But being the bigger person there is no need. How can I solve this issue? I am having a very hard time and life.

  3. Huda says:

    I really liked what you wrote. I was looking for a quote for being a “bigger person” for a written piece and stumbled upon it. I’m very glad I did.
    As for haters, I tend to always respond first and think later, which I think is kinda dumb on my side. I don’t just fire back though, I say stuff that just makes them feel even smaller than they already are. THAT makes me feel bigger. I don’t believe it to be a very good habit, so I’m working on changing that. Thanks to you, I’ve learned some more to eventually get there.
    Thank you!

  4. tracy says:

    Wow! I stumbled across this tonight and boy was it ever what I needed to read! I am struggling with some “haters” in my life right now. It’s very difficult because they are family members. My parents are going through a divorce and the family has become very divided. I didn’t want to choose sides but have been forced to. Now I’m being “hated” and some are trying their best to manipulate me. I’m trying real hard to learn to just walk away and not fall into the trap. Everything you wrote is exactly what I needed to read.
    Thank you!

    • martialarts4u says:

      No problem. Im glad you enjoyed the post. Hater’s are mentally draining, and the best advice I can give you is to remain calm, be the bigger person, and just don’t hate back.

    • martialarts4u says:

      Tracy,

      I hope you are doing well. People that force you to pick sides really do not care that much about anyone. A real person will tel you do what you think is right. Divore is always tough to go through. When I went through a business divorce with former partners their true colors showed when they did everything in their power to destroy me. I was so good to find out sooner than later what type of people they really were.

      Hope you are doing well!

      Nick

      • Tracy says:

        Nick,

        Thank you for your replies. It’s been over a year now and my mother and brother are still not speaking to me because I choose to have my dad in my life. The good thing is, I have a better relationship with my dad than I ever have and I am so thankful for that! I’m sorry that my mom and brother choose not to have anything to do with me or my family but I cannot change how they feel. They have to live with their hate and maybe someday they can find a way to let it go.
        I’m sorry about your problems with your former partners. I’ve discovered over the past year that life is too short to allow people to bring us down or try to make us feel bad about ourselves. Things happen that show us who our real friends are and those that aren’t can move on down the road! I choose to surround myself with positive people who have my best interests at heart.
        I hope things are better for you now since your last post Nick! Take care!

        Tracy

  5. Regina Maru says:

    I really enjoyed your article and it was really inspiring. I’m a Sagittarius and a good natured person. It deeply hurts when people “hate on me”, especially if they are people I care about. It is affirming because I always imagined that by a certain age, human beings are at peace with themselves, however, I know a man in his 60s who uses every opportunity to put me down, he knows which buttons to push that would make me fly off the handle. But now I can smile because I know he is the one with the problem.

    • martialarts4u says:

      Most hater are master at pushing the buttons that make you go wild. That is something they are the best at. The best way to deal with them is to actually act like you are not bothered by it at all. It seems that people in their 60′s actually are the worst haters of them all. They realize that they might nit have that much tie left in their life and want to take others down with them!

      Nick

      Hope you are well

  6. sandrar says:

    Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog. :) Cheers! Sandra. R.

  7. Tomorrow Smith says:

    Hi….I’m loving your thought about haters & being the bigger person, I understand and i’m feeling every single word….Sometimes in life you have to be the bigger person by putting druma last and also haters i let my haters motivate me and they also make me feel better to know thier hating i put self first in everything that i do i never say things to hurt a person i’ll be putting myself in a hater” shoe if i do i treat people the way i would like to be treating i love my life and i dont live to try to hurt people i life for me…..That’s where alot of people go wrong in life when they say cruel things to others trying to make themselves feel better when their no better then the next person….that does it. alot of people talk and say bad things about one another when all of it could be avoided but i’m feelin da’ being the bigger person PASSAGE! loviin it !

    • martialarts4u says:

      Im sorry I have not been able to post the past few months. But I will start posting more often. I plan on dedicating a whole section about haters to this blog.

      thanks,

      Nick

  8. lizard says:

    Thank you, this is a great blog. :)

  9. Vanessa says:

    Wow you post really helped me. I was actually dealing with my best friend for four years. I realized that she has been jealous of me this whole time and she spends her time still worried about what people thinks about her. While im moving on and trying to focus on school, I realized me overcoming these negative people killed her. But anyways thank you so much for this article.

    • martialarts4u says:

      Vanessa,

      As we get older we realize that people we were friends with we grow out of touch with. I hope you are continuing to move forward and would love to hear an update about your life.

      thanks,

      Nick

      • thevictimofeviltongues says:

        hello there sensei! arigatooo gozaimasu :)
        this article is really inspiring! FYI, Im now facing this one problem with some friends whom i used to hang out with not that really closed to the ‘bestfriend-forever’ extent. It started from this one insecured guy and ended up the one who’s been spreading rumors about me is the one who used to be my so-called closed friend, she’s been talking shits about me to almost everyone on campus and she is happy to let the rumors spread from one person to another person, with the mission to get people rid of me. when actually all those things she said are no true, not at all true. and it seems like she dont want to let me ‘go’ and she and some others went to some of my random friends whom im not closed with and told them to be aware of me etc etc and said all those craps about me. what do u think i should do? ive been a bigger person since i did not even take any actions yet. but what if things get even worse?

  10. Paul says:

    Hi there.Over the past few months I have been seriously contemplating dragging a co-worker out of the office and giving him the pummelling I and others think he richly deserves.This man hates everyone and everything.I must thankyou on his behalf as your very good article on haters may well have saved this irksome little fellow a good pasting.Oh and thanks from me-you may well have saved my job. Paul

    • martialarts4u says:

      Paul,

      We have all met people like this person you are talking about. I hope you are maintaing control and please send me an update.

      Thanks,

      Nick

  11. emvic says:

    im so very glad i found this! it has seemed to actually calm me down. im having a hard time understanding how one person could enjoy trying to cause drama in another. i have this person in my life and everywhere i go and everything i do or anyone i try to be with she follows. she is like a never ending process and for me i wish to get away. she is someone who i do not care for at all and personally would love to earse from my life. its really hard for me to move on and be the bigger person its alot harder than it seems. im slowly getting better because i know my future is bright and im not gunna let someone destroy that. this really helped me believe that i could be mature and be the bigger person and at the end of the day its the right thing to do and i know i can lay my head down without any worries. thank you so very much for helping me i could have really made some stupid decisions!

  12. martialarts4u says:

    I am so very glad my posts made in an impact on your decision making. Sometimes it is so hard to just stop, take a deep beathe, and assess the situation. It is easier said than done! Taking a couple days and speaking to a couple people about the situation can help so much. Making decisions and saying things on impulse is the root regret. Trust me, I have made plenty of rash decisions before, but reading the books I have read, and being in the situations i have been in have helped me incredibly! Taking the TIME to think about the conflict and coming up with a solid solution is always key!

  13. Dora says:

    There’s this girl in my speech class who has really been getting on my nerves latley. This semester is ending in a few weeks and we were asked to prepare a final speech saying what we would say to the world if we could only say one thing. My speech is titled be the bigger person, just to show her, she doesnt bother me. this blog reall helped, thanks Sensei Nick

  14. Erika says:

    Absolutely the most amazing blog I’ve ever read. From Be to Life and every single word in between. Not only because of my own personal “hater” issues. To know there is someone else out there that has a sane outlook on life as I do is priceless. I’ve gone through 3 years of someone holding on to so much hate that I honestly don’t know how they function. My children have been attacked, the death of a sibling has been made fun of and my husband thrown in jail over “claims” of harassment (in this small town, it’s guilty until proven innocent). In the end, it will all work out. To beat it all, I don’t hate the “hater”. I would love to be able to sit her down and understand FULLY why she can’t let go. Now, in the same breath, if the law would allow me to get a hold of her ONE GOOD TIME then that’s another story. FURTUNATLY, that’s not the case :) THANK YOU so very much for this post!!

  15. “it is better to be defamed and criticized, then to be ignored”

  16. Olivia Amitrano says:

    This blog has honestly helped me so much. You’re an amazing person, you deserve some recognition for this. I send this to all my friends whenever we’re upset over something and remind them not to stoop to others’ levels.. I would preach to them myself but your blog just does it perfectly. This small segment has left a lasting impression in my mind and lifted my morals. I’m a junior in high school and a friend of mine actually suggested “You know what, we need to send Sensei Nick a thank you letter for saving our junior year.” I’m glad I found this, it cheers me up when I’m down :) Best wishes.

    • martialarts4u says:

      Wow!!!!

      I am so happy that you were able to use this blog, and it means so much that you said it helped save you junior year. It only get harder after high school. The most important thing you can do id to focus on you, make sure you continue to grow and be very selective of who you let into your inner circle. There are just too many people that are only out for themselves. I would love to do a workshop for your class as you go into your senior year.

      After seeing the high school student who committed suicide we have started a bully prevention crusade for children and teens. As a martial arts instructor and black belt we are here to help and give back to the community. Please feel free to get back to me regarding anything you or your class needs, I am also available to do seminars for classes.

      Sensei Nick

  17. Stephanie K. says:

    I just came across this and I to agree with others that this article alone has helped me calm down. I had a guy stalking me and I’m a freshmen in college. He sending me messages over Facebook telling me that he has talked to everyone and they all say that I am a pathological liar and many people have told him that I call him a stalker. How can I not call him a stalker when he keeps asking people about me? I’ve never met anyone like this type of person except for this nutcase. I ask my self each day why must there be people in this world that feed off of drama? Do we deserve this kind of treatment? Personally, I don’t think so, but for some reason some think its perfectly fine. By the way, do you have any advice? Thank you and I appreciate the blog.

  18. thevictimofeviltongues says:

    hello there sensei! arigatooo gozaimasu :)
    this article is really inspiring! FYI, Im now facing this one problem with some friends whom i used to hang out with not that really closed to the ‘bestfriend-forever’ extent. It started from this one insecured guy and ended up the one who’s been spreading rumors about me is the one who used to be my so-called closed friend, she’s been talking shits about me to almost everyone on campus and she is happy to let the rumors spread from one person to another person, with the mission to get people rid of me. when actually all those things she said are no true, not at all true. and it seems like she dont want to let me ‘go’ and she and some others went to some of my random friends whom im not closed with and told them to be aware of me etc etc and said all those craps about me. what do u think i should do? ive been a bigger person since i did not even take any actions yet. but what if things get even worse?

  19. thevictimofeviltongues says:

    And sensei, i dont really understand this part :/

    ” Today, i would like you to practice what I’m talking about. If there is a co worker, a colleague, a family member who you know in your heart is “hating on you” be the bigger person and just let them keep talking. When others hear them, you won’t have to say anything. Because they said enough. Let them do the talking for you! ” How is that possible to let them do the talking for you? what do you mean by “do the talking for you..” ?

    • martialarts4u says:

      When people are “hating” or talking about you they are doing the talking for you. Think about how ridiculous some one sounds when they are talking about you. They are only doing it to make themsleves look better.

  20. JoeGirl says:

    Hey Sensei Nick… Just googled “quotations be the bigger person” and your blog came up. THANK YOU!

    Having just announced my separation to the neighbourhood, I am suddenly confronted by cold shoulders, icy stares and plan hurtful glances and behaviours. As if they know what is best for me, by ex or my kids… These are people I trusted, closely, even traveled with in some cases. All now turning their backs on me for an issue that they have no knowledge of, and is none of their business.

    Thanks for your post. Puts their attitudes in perspective for me.

    Will continue to read your words.

    • martialarts4u says:

      Thank you so much for your kind word! Sorry I have not been on here in a long time. I hope to have more posts in the future.

  21. sofia says:

    great advice! thank you. i’m struggling with some really difficult people right now that are new in my life but that will be there forever. they keep pushing my buttons and i find it hard to be the bigger person, but it is necessary or i’ll end up losing the father of my child who’s also my husband. please don’t ever stop giving advice. you helped me so much!

  22. Rebekah says:

    hey, i have a girl that is constantly harassing me and its been going on for almost 2 years now. i have done my best to ignore it. i dont say anything to nor about her, i dont even acknowledge her anymore, but she wont stop. any advice? or any good quotes to get me through this?

    thanks for your blog! its been helpful and im glad to know im not the only one with these problems!

    • martialarts4u says:

      Continue to ingore her. You are doing a really good job, because she continues to keep trying. She is looking for a reaction out of oyu because of jealousy of some sort. You are handling it perfectly and contine to do so and check in if you need more support down the line!

  23. Sherry says:

    Thanks. This post is 6 months after the fact so I don’t even know if you wll read this. A friend referred me to your site. It refreshing. I’ve known this all along, sometimes we need our memories refreshed and I certainly did. My issues are with my family. I’ve a younger sister that is the hater but she is so clever and manipulative that she has made me look like the bad guy. A few of the smarter people know better. She is always “woe is me”. It’s very difficult at times being the bigger person because now it has divided the four of us sibings. They with her. I’ve just ct myself off from them completely since February and the irony of it is that family means more to me than any of them. It sucks! Oh well, what do you do?

    • martialarts4u says:

      You reach out one last time. Tey to sit dpwn with her and let her know that you want to have a relationshio with her, but if you two cannot get passed this, the relationship might have to end, family or not. Sometimes in life we have to say goodbye to people, whether they are friends or family. Sometimes it is the only way people learn what hey are doing is wrong. And sometimes people just dont care and you are better off without them.

  24. Kari says:

    I wanted to comment on this because I am in a current situation regarding this. I am having a difficult time being the bigger person. This individual has decided to use Facebook as an outlet for all to see and it makes it difficult not to fire back about how childish she’s being. I’m just not sure I can let it go and ignore it anymore. What should I do?

    • martialarts4u says:

      Kari,

      Altought it may be tough to deal with, but when people talk about others it only makes them look worse. People that you want to attract in your life should not be ones that wil join in when others talk about you. With regards to Facebook, the more they post things about you the more they look like a loser. Do not fall int the trap of falling to their leve. I had an expepriece where an ex employee was saying bad things about our business on Facebook. Some people cannnot accept their failures and look to blame others. Those people you want to stay as far away as possible. They have never grown in spirit or in their career and will continue to try to point hte finger at others. In other words, you will never win a battle with them on Facebook or any other social netowrks because they have nothing to lose, because they have no character!

  25. Jeff says:

    thank you. i’m in highschool & i’m learning.
    & there’s someone trying to bring me down.
    It sucks how an old friend is now an enemy.
    But eh that’s life you know?.This gave me strength
    to write him back in a positive way. I feel
    so much better about myself now.

    God bless you.

  26. melanae says:

    i am not a violent person by any means and have been nothing but nice to everyone in the area that involved themselves. i thought we were all friends but i soon found out i was worng. i got in a fight with another girl in the group. it was over something really pointless but i’m the only one who seems to realize we were both wrong for the things we had done and i am the only one who addmited my wrong doing. she has yet to think she has done any wrong and went and had eveyone side with her. now i have other people talking trash to me and hating me when it isnt even them i have a problem with. i’m being invaded from all directions. i’ve stayed calm thus far and said sorry so many times but it wont stop. i’m at a loss of where to go from here.

  27. Hello Sensei Nick, this is a beautiful, eloquently laid out article. It’s true to the bone and you know what, I even enjoyed some humour in it too because it is so so true. Great advise – love it, and God bless and empower you to share even more positive articles such as this one!

  28. Nicole says:

    Your post has really given me the strength to be the bigger person. I have had issues with a friend for a few years now and I’ve realized that she is the one with issues, not me, and that I should not feel pressured to fire back at her because I know that is exactly what she wants. I now have the strength to walk away from the friendship completely and feel okay about it. I am so glad I am not the only person that has dealt with this.

    Thank you so much!

  29. Claire says:

    What an interesting article.

    At the moment, I myself am being the bigger person.

    There is a small situation with someone my boyfriend works with, who has taken something I said completely out of context and has been extremely agressive in their response. While I took the time to reassure him that I meant no ill will, and I explained by intentions clearly, he continues to make an issue out of the situation. While it’s tempting for me to respond to him further, I have decided that it’s pointless. I have already given my version of events, and if he is unhappy with that, or chooses not to believe it, that is out of my control.

    My biggest concern is that we are attending a wedding on the weekend of a mutal friend, and I know we’re sitting at the same table. I have no problem with this, and can quite easily be pleasant for the sake of our friends, but I’m not sure he can, and I don’t know how to respond in that situation should he confront me at the reception.

  30. pierre says:

    good and wise words, sensei. thanks!

  31. Bev says:

    I just googled “be the bigger person quotes”, and your blog came up.
    I agree. I was looking for a quote on this as a facebook status for the drama going on in my life that I am trying so verrrry hard not to be a part of.
    Rings true, and touched me. Glad I am not the only one who sees that this is the best choice!

  32. Laura says:

    I found your blog and talked to my daughter about this. we had a run in this last weekend with a “hater”. my daughter has a “boyfriend/crush” that is a few years older. a family member of this boy formed an opinion about us before meeting us & the evening turned into a really bad evening because of that. With this person not knowing me I did defend meself to a point but don’t think I went overboard. My daughter is mortifiefd.. Then this person must have had a quilty feeling cause they thought someting I put on a social networking site was about them and called me yelling, cutting down my parenting skills, etc. I defended myself but never insulter this person. Boy is it hard to be the bigger person sometimes. My daughter may have to see this person today and I told her to be the bigger person and just say a nice hello, don’t know if i convinced her :-) thanks again for your post.

  33. Laura says:

    excuse my above typos :-)

  34. Shannon says:

    Thank you so much for this. I read it every day and this morning especially, it has truly helped me. I am going thru the exact same situation. One day I was sick of being a door mat and being walked all over. I spoke up and defended myself, and she didn’t like that and has completely torn and shredded my life and family apart. It has been preventing me of a good nights sleep, ruining my relationship with my boyfriend. I’ve just been so miserable, trying to understand why my family & I deserved this and how someone can “hate” me so much…just because I respectfully put her in her place. I just keep dwelling on it…I don’t know who I am anymore. I was such an easy going bubbly person and I’m letting myself go…all because of this! I am finding it extremely difficult being the bigger person and concentrating my energy on moving forward. But, as you say, silence is golden and I’m just going to kill her with kindness. I will speak when I’m spoken to! Christmas Dinner will be interesting….
    Thanks for this blog.

  35. Dede says:

    Thank you for your Hater message… Ive been Hated and needed to hear your message to calm me and kept me taking the higher road, it really got me through a very tough time in my life. Thank yoo sooooooooo much Nick :) what a great person you are :)

  36. rida says:

    How do you deal with someone who is maybe not jealous but take you wrong and say mean things base on that?

  37. Noahb says:

    I know what you are talking about. The people who waste their time trying to affect others are just insecure about themselves. I have a guy trying to pick a fight but i don’t let anything he says effect me because I know it is only a small stepping stone in lifes path. Thanks for the inspiration!

  38. Luisa says:

    Hi there,
    I just wanted to say thank you so very much for this blog. I got married 3 years ago, and childhood friends, who I thought would support me, ended up putting me down at my own reception to many of the guests. This hurt me so much, especially since they know all the personal struggles I had been through with the recent passing of my father. When I opened their card to a nasty note (they were upset they weren’t in our wedding party) I bawled my eyes out. I wanted to hurt them the way they hurt me, but decided to be the bigger person and shut them out of my life.

    I guess my question to you is….why, after 3 years, do I still think about this event daily? By being the bigger person, I also feel weaker, because I feel like they got away with trying to sabotage my special day. This is a constant struggle for me.

    On the plus side, as soon as these negative friends were erased from my life, so many wonderful new friends entered! I feel very blessed.

    Any advice on how to officially move on from this embarrassing and hurtful event? I only want to remember the positives :)

    Thanks

    Luisa

  39. Shelly Stuber says:

    This really hits home right now and thank you so much for reminding me to be the bigger person. I’m currently going through a separation (well, we’ve been separated for 4 months) and my ex is newly (3 wks) dating a undesireable from within our circle of friends. Although I don’t want my ex back, they’ve flaunted their relationship on a public forum and we have 200 mutual friends. I’ve held it together for the most part until yesterday…. I moved my final belongings out of our house and saw all of her stuff there (she’s now living there) and I broke down. I said some stuff on the public forum and it was totally unlike me. I felt the lowest I’ve felt in a long time~afterwards I deleted it but of course, people had already seen it. I stooped to their level and allowed them to have power over my feelings. The tears flowed because of how bad I felt about myself for what I did and I vowed to never do it again. Reading this reinforced my feelings of being the better person, concentraiting on being happy and moving forward in a positive manner. Thank you for the insiration and reality check!!!!

    Positively,
    Mourning and Healing!

  40. B says:

    Love what you wrote! Love it! :)

  41. Amen Sensei Nick! Great advice for kids and grown ups. You the man! PS. Where can I get one of those shirts?

  42. Robert W says:

    I was googling how to become a bigger person and came across your blog. I “HATE” to say it (no pun intended) but you are absolutely correct about haters and how to react towards them. After reading your article, it really put me in check as to how I was acting towards haters and I can honestly say that I was one of them. Sometimes I don’t even realize how I act is affecting others around me. I realize that selfishness is also a big part of the whole hating issue. I’ve come to realize my main issue is that I need to grow up and be the bigger person in many situations I encounter. It’s definitely not going to be easy and not gonna happen overnight. Anger also plays a big part in hindering my efforts to become the bigger person. You are so right about self control and not react to the negativity.

    I recently had an encounter with my girlfriends half brother who, in my opinion and many others, is a hater and bully. We got into an argument over something very stupid and to make a long story short we are both losers in the situation. I ended up in the hospital with stitches, he got arrested and is now being charged for assault. I realize now that if I had applied your principles to the situation, I wouldn’t have been in that situation. On top of that, I made it difficult for my girlfriend and her whole family all because of my ego and lack of self control.

    Thank you very much for writing the article as it has opened my eyes as to how to deal with people like that in situations. It has also brought the attention to my own inner problems and how to deal with them accordingly. Truly inspired me to change my way of thinking and acting. I’m not saying I’m gonna be able to change instantly but I sure as hell gonna try as I don’t wanna live my life being angry and hateful. It’s not a happy and healthy way to live.

  43. confused about bitchy girls says:

    Hi , events of today left me confused. Recently i put some pics on Facebook of some food i cooked , shared with some other ladies i work with.We aré all interested in cooking and regularly share recipies. I later heat from another collegue that one Woman Was bitching about me saying “i dont believe she cooked that stuff” …..everyone else Was nothing short of lovely,and evento i haveto admit it Looked quité good……..few days later We have a team lunch and everyone brings a dish. I see the lady Who Was bitching about me and c,onfront her. I said wish th a smile I heard you said i cant cook? ….bcos i Was annnoyed that she said it. then she started to deny it …..and i said you shouldnt be so bitchy. I know i prob over reacted

  44. Derrick says:

    This was a great post. It really made me see my situation differently and I feel good about moving on with my life after a bitter situation. I also would like to know where u get the hater shirt from. Thanks again for this great post.

  45. Jan says:

    It’s a great message!! Eventhough it’s not always as easy and at some point one will probably make a mistake but thats ok, We all do. Just know that in the end, this actually helps and makes you feel better about yourself which brings you more joy of life.

  46. Mistlan says:

    I have a sibling who, well we don’t talk to each other much and I bow out of this person’s way as much as possible. It isn’t about jealousy, how do I become a bigger person against someone who treats others like trash? I got rough with this sibling and had a shouting match, a brutal one. I was the one being rough and I finally ended it in a hug and said I’m sorry. I’m not proud but I’m not great eithier. I’m the meekest person I know. How do I be the bigger person to someone who treats the people I care about like dirt?

  47. kittyz1313 says:

    Thank you, thank you thank you! I really needed to read this today. My new sister in law of 3 months just posted some really hateful comments on my FB wedding photos :( I’ve never been anything but nice to her. It’s hard to be the bigger person because you want to see the person who hurt you hurt just as much, but it isn’t worth it. Your article really put me in a good mood!

  48. Cailin Fredrickson says:

    Great advice! Good things to memorize. Seriously, this really helped. Thanks :)

  49. speedy1976 says:

    Hi i read your post just now about haters and being the bigger person . Im 36 and was born with a disability im the middle one in my family. My older siblings treat me great but my younger sibling is always talkin down to me and calling me a b!tch and telling people i have verbal diarrhea . i’ve asked her why she hates me so much and she has mentioned stuff that is just not true as well as saying im negative. i have in the past reacted to her treatment of me and it got me no where but in trouble and a reputation for being an angry person. For my sake and mostly my sons sake i have decided to have nothing to do with her because she cant be nice and i dont know how to not react. last time i saw her i ignored her completely cause i thought that would be best but still got in trouble!

  50. Eileen O'Connor says:

    Thank you. it’s exactly what I needed to hear/read. I practice being the better person daily!!

  51. A.H says:

    Sir,
    I love your post, and it gave me a little more strength to make it through the days…but what do you do when it’s a group of people that are doing this and they’re getting the few ‘friends’ you do have to stoop to their level, and you’re left with no one to talk to? How do you find the strength when you’re miles away from any ounce of true support and can’t go back home on a whim? I’m trying really hard, but it feels like I’m just a crybaby that can’t handle life when I try to vent to anyone because everyone just reports to one another…and I’m just the laughingstock.

  52. Juju says:

    I’ve been dealing with a hater for around 6 years now. Another couple in our circle of friends became very close with my husband, yet they excluded me whenever they went out, going so far as to invite him out of town on his birthday without me. (My husband and I have been together for 8.5 years, and this happended about five years ago.) The woman in the couple is the one who doesn’t like me, and this all started when she told my husband that I’m annoying. He defended me and they haven’t been friends since, though he is still close with her husband. Since then, there’s been a lot of back and forth, but I’ve always tried to be the bigger person and act with kindness. (though I’ve definitely had a few slip ups from time to time!) What makes me crazy to this day is that even though the hater and I do our best to avoid each other, (though sometimes this cannot be avoided since we have many of the same
    frineds, I just can’t see how our mutual friends can still be friends with her and it is so hurtful knowing that my husband and I do not get invited to go out with our other frineds at times because she is in the mix. I know our mutual friends think she is possibly jealous, I just wish they’d see her as the mean person she really is.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

%d bloggers like this: